This was a
skit put on in response to the Duck’s request for a treat The members of the cast
subjected the script below to extensive
adlibbing.
Writer and Producer
Russ Faure-Brac
Musical Director
Marci the Music Maker
Director
There was none
Cast
Played by
Dave Nicholson, aka The Duck
Scott Wachenheim
Annie Nicholson
Anne Sands
Julie Suhr
Becky Glazer
Trilby Peterson
Heidi Siegel
Calina Nicholson
Alena Vale
[Russ introduces the skit and the Cuyama Oaks
Players. In the opening
scene the Duck sits on his motorcycle with GPS’s and computer cables
hanging around his neck.
He is ranting and raving.]
Dave: “Annie, where are you? I can’t find the connector
cord that unites my Garmin Etrex Super Plus Plus GPS to my Apple
Macintosh Wizomatic laptop.
I must have it immediately or the entire ride will
collapse. This is an
emergency. Why are you
always losing my things.
I would look for it but it’s quicker to ask you to find
it. Hurry, hurry. Faster, faster.
Annie: “Oh Dave, you’re such an ass. Is this what you’re looking
for?” [She grabs a cord
draped around his neck, hands it to him and gives him a kiss. Turning to the audience she
speaks.] “He’s so cute
when he’s helpless, which is most of the time. I think I’ll keep
him.”
Dave: “OK, let me go. I’ve got to start the ride
meeting.” [He gets off
the bike and faces the audience.] “Friends, riders, fellow
XPers. We’ve had a
tough 3 days and I’m pleased to say that everything went perfectly
and there were no whimpering, sniveling whiners.
Julie: “Wait a minute Duck Breath, this is
Julie Suhr speaking. I
fell on my head twice a day on this ride. That’s a total of 6 falls
and 6 cracked helmets.
I can’t afford the helmet cost of these rides. And besides, my head
hurts. You’ve got to
get rid of the rocks and chuckholes and strange trees and bushes
that scare my poor horse out of its wits. We need nice level trails
swept clean before each ride.”
Dave: “Yes, Julie, but…”
Trilby: “Yeah, and about those orange
ribbons. This is Trilby
speaking and you have absolutely no taste in colors. Why don’t you use a good
color that everybody can relate to, like say, purple. And another thing. I’m a very high-tech
person. Why don’t you
start using those BVD things I’ve been hearing about. You hold it in your hand and
it tells you where to go.
You know, they work off those little thingeys that fly around
up in the sky.”
Dave: “Yes, Trilby, but…”
Calina: “Dad, why do you keep making me go on
these rides. You know I
can’t stand horses and I have to sit on those dirty, smelly
things—it’s yucky. Mom,
tell Dad to stop making me do this stupid sport. I want to spend more time
with boys.”
Dave: “Yes, Calina, but, but…”
Annie: “That’s OK, mi amore. We’re all just kidding. But
there is one thing more.”
[Annie, Julie, Trilby and Calina end the skit with their
version of a Doo-Wop song.]
What’s Your
Name?
What’s your name?
Is it the Frozen Wet Duck?
What’s your fame?
Do you put on rides that suck?
It’s so hard to find an XP Vet
With charms like yours, you are my
pet
Ooo Woo, Ooo Woo, Ooo Wee
What’s your game?
Do I stand a chance with you?
All I want
Is first place and BC too
It’s so hard to find an XP Vet
With charms like yours, you are my
pet
Ooo Wee, Ooo Wee, Ooo Wee
What’s your name?
What’s your name?
Shoo-bli-doo-Bla-da-daa
